GOOD GRIEF

Greetings all of you ALIVE people. If you are reading this Rambling...in all likelyhood...you are breathing in...and breathing out on a regular rhythm pattern. I bet...that most likely... somewhere along the way...you have lost a loved one...be it a pet, relative, close friend, or some famous icon that you have worshipped from afar. You probably have gone through or are going through the process known as GRIEF. People who surround you...people who either love you.. or know you...have empathy, sympathy, relate to you...and are either trying to walk on eggshells around you...giving you space to grieve...offering words of encouragment...or they are dishing out tough love...and telling you to get over it...or relating to you by stating that they "know what you are going through." Adults...who have lost loved ones are in a postition where they have to put on a stiff upper lip...to be the strong ones...to set the example for the younger ones...and all the while are crumbling inside with either guilt, sorrow, or what is known as EMOTIONAL LABILITY...where they swing from one emotional gamit to another... from deep weeping to maniacal laughter. HEY...welcome to the world of NORMAL.

Webster's Dictionary defines grief as: (1) intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc; acute sorrow, deep sadness (2) a cause or the subject of such suffering (3) a hardship, suffering or pain.

A cursory view of the Old and New Testament with the Hebrew and Greek words for grief give a multiplicity of colours to the word GRIEF. To me...it really spoke of the complexity of this emotion called GRIEF. Here are some of the meanings in no specific order: bitterness, trouble, vexation, anger, indignation, provocation, sorrow, spite, wrath, a stumbling block, anguish, affliction, pain, sorrow, suffering (physical or mental), adversity, to be rubbed or worn, weak, malady, anxiety, calamity. Any of this sound familiar to you.

I Thessalonians 5:23 breaks down the makeup of man as spirit (pneuma), soul (sookay or psyche), and body. Grief can affect all of these areas. The soul...with it's make up of mind (what we think), volition (free will to choose), and emotions (the reflection of inward feelings)...is a God thing. Tear ducts are very useful tools to express joy and sorrow. Have you ever laughed until you brought tears to your eyes. Aaaaaaaaaaah what a great emotion. Have you ever had a "good cry"...and when you were all cried out you felt a little better.

I remember when I was in graduate school...over a two year period, my mother died, my father died, my mother-in-law died, and my uncle died. The dying part was precipitated by extended sickness and multiple trips to hospitals. I would get paged in class and have to go to the hospital and be with my Dad. THANK GOD FOR BRENDA WHO WAS A ROCK IN THIS TIME.

During the initial time of death, funerals, burial, etc....there was a PEACE that passed understanding (Philippians 4:4-9). Many non-believers...and some believers...would pass on their wisdom about how I was in shock (and I may have been)...but reality would set in at some point. Now...I ain't no supersaint...and I did shed tears...BUT there is something about having a HOPE (confident expectation) that transcended the momentary loss of loved ones. The Holy Spirit is the great Helper...that helps us through the hard times.

I like this quote from Diane McKendree..."If you love deeply, you will grieve deeply. If you deny your grief, you deny the reality of the love you felt."

I remember when my dog Roxie was run over in front of my house. WOW...I was overwhelmed. I could not stop crying. I was sitting in a meeting at Messick Homecare...with an insurance agent named Edwin. Right in the middle of our meeting I broke down and began to weep. I had to explain that my dog just died that morning. I was blessed because he was a Christian...and he prayed for me...but that dog was precious to me. How much more a friend or a family member.

When my Dad died...it was bittersweet. For most of my life...we were in constant arguments about one thing or another. But for the last few years of his life...he became a changed man. My son Phillip was a big part of the change... as he made up for a lot of stuff that happened between us as he expressed love for Phillip. When Dad died...I was at bedside with him...and as he was struggling to stay here on earth...I was able to whisper into his ears that it is O.K. to move on...and that Mom was waiting for him and we will be there soon. A peace converged in the room...he quit the struggled...took one last breath and eased into the presence of God. I am crying tears as I right this...because I still miss my Dad...and my Mom...and my Mother-In-Law...and my Uncle.

When my Dad first died...I did not shed a lot of tears. The shocking, comfort or the Holy Spirit was helping me...but at one point (really more than one point)...I would pull over to the side of the road when I least expected it...I would break down with weeping and sobbing. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah sweet release. Over a period of time...there are less tears...and more memories (good ones).

I really don't know how people who don't know the Lord get by...but they do. Some (Christians included)...deal with grief by denial, develop a hard shell, become isolated, live overwhelmed the rest of their lives, cover up with laughter, numb themselves with drugs, alcohol, sex, multiple relationships.... always running but never coming to an END of the grief. Coming to an end of the GRIEF is not a denial of the love for the individual...but it is getting on with life.

Moses is a great example of this. In Deuteronomy 34:7-8...it lays out how Moses dies...people grieve...but the grieving came to an END. If the grieving does not come to an END...then we live in a constant state of misery.

"Although Moses was one hindred and twenty years old when he DIED...his ey was not dim, nor his vigor abated. So the sons of Israel WEPT FOR MOSES in the plains of MOAB thirty days; then the DAYS OF WEEPING and MOURNING for Moses CAME TO AN END." (Deuteronoym 34:7,8)

Sometimes we love to stay in MOAB as we hold onto the past...but God has river for us to cross and a LAND for us to posess. One is the past...the other is our future...and as long as we stay in mourning...stay in grief...we can never step into the next chapter of our lives.

How long is our mourning period? For the followers of Moses...it was 30 days...for us...who knows...but rest assured...there will be a time for it to END. The end of mourning...grief...but NOT for the end of our love for the departed. As I've shared in each funeral...hold on to the good memories...and go on with life.

Now...as a RUMINATOR...the chewing of the Word is of vital importance to overcome...go through the grieving process (everybody is at different levels of the process)...THE WORD OF GOD...and the MEDITATION of the WORD OF GOD...will get us through.

For me...personally...Anxiety, worry, tension is BUSTED by Philipians 4:6-9)...where I chose to (1) rejoice in the Lord always (2) made a choice not to be anxious for anything but in everything do 3 things. (a) pray (b) supplicate (c) thank Him in the midst of what I was going through

The cause and effect of doing these thingswas PEACE THAT PASSESS UNDERSTANDING/COMPREHENSION. This peace guarded my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. I then would let my MIND DWELL on whatever was (1) pure (2) lovely (3) good report (4) excellence (5) anything worthy of praise. I did not DENY what I was going through or even my grief...but I would not DWELL on the negative. Was I 100% in this thing? NO...but I transitioned from overwhelming grief...to moving on.

I would meditate...chew...ruminate...on THE WORD OF GOD...

"Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be Thou my HELPER...Thous has TURNED for ME my MOURNING in to DANCING; Thou hast LOOSED my SACKCLOTH...and girded me with GLADNESS, that my SOUL may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will (my choice) GIVE THANKS to The forever." (Psalm 30:10-12)

NOTE: There will be a TURNING POINT in your grieving...but that turning is hinged on your choice...to praise and thank Him in the midst of the process.

"So shall My WORD be which goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. For you will GO OUT WITH JOY...and be LED FORTH WITH PEACE...The mountains and the hills will break forth into SHOUTS OF JOY before you, and all the trees of the field will CLAP THEIR HANDS. Instead of thorn bush the cypress will come up; and instead of the nettle the myrtle will come up; and it will be a MEMORIAL to the Lord, for an everlasting sign which will not be cut off." (Isaiah 55:11-13)

NOTE: I don't want to settle for thorns and nettles. I want to move on to cypress and myrtle. There will be a sweet MEMORIAL to the Lord as I remember how he brought me through the grieving process.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me...because the Lord has anointed me...to bring good news to the afflicted...He has sent me to bind up the BROKENHEARTED...to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to prisoners...to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord...and the day of vengance of our Lord...to COMFORT all who MOURN....to grant thouse who mourn in Zion...giving them a garland instead of ashes...the oil of GLADNESS...instead of mourning...the MANTLE OF PRAISE...instead of a spirit of fainting...SO they will be called oaks of righteousness...the PLANTING of the Lord...the He may be glorified. THEN they will REBUILD THE ANCIENT RUINS....they will RAISE UP THE FORMER DEVASTATIONS...and they will REPAIR THE RUINED CITIES...the DESOLATIONS OF MANY GENERATIONS..."
(Isaiah 61:1-4)

NOTE: Oh how sweet the Lord was to Israel...who constantly did not deserve his grace and mercy and compassion...and Oh how sweet the Lord is to you and may...as he deals with our broken hearts, frees us, speaks forth favor in our lives, gives gladness versus mourning, gives the mantle or ability to praise instead of fainting...plants us, rebuilds our ruins, raises up our devastations, repairs our ruined cities and the cause and effect of desolations of many generations he repairs. This may be historical prophecy for a nation...but I held onto it during my grieving process...knowing that restoration would come.

I hope this blessed you and will help you realize...that you are not crazy for grieving...but realizing that your MOAB is coming to an end...and it is time to cross on over into your PROMISED LAND.

Love and Sweet Canadian Kisses
Rodney "The Big Cry Baby" Boyd