HOW TO DEEP FRY A TURKEY AND IMPROVE MY WIFE'S PRAYER LIFE

Greetings and Gobble Gobble. It is the week before Thanksgiving... that time of giving thanks...and the time of repenting and asking for forgiveness for willingly indulging in the sin of gluttony.

Over the past few years...I have been practicing the ART OF DEEP FRYING TURKEY. Many people wonder...how can I deep fry a turkey? Well here is a little primer on how to deep fry a turkey...and how to improve your wife's prayer life.

I have learned from my mistake (singular)...when I had a minor grass fire under the pot...that...as most legends...turned into a roaring inferno that engulfed the community of Rockvale Tennesse.

Many moons ago...I filled my pot with fresh peanut oil...and I deemed it necessary that I needed a little more oil to cover the bird. Brenda...my lovely wife of 37 year (not counting the four years that we dated)...came out side and said..."Rodney...don't add any more oil...that is plenty." She then went outside. In the meanwhile my testosterone kicked in and I said to myself..."Self...what does a woman know about deep frying turkey's...so I added more oil (without telling Brenda). I heated up the oil to around 375 degrees (knowing that the bird will drop the temperature to a desired 325 degrees). As I dropped the bird (injected with Cajun seasonings and rubbed down with a dry rub) into the boiling cauldron...and all was well...until...the oil began to overflow (because there was to much oil in the pot). As the oil overflowed...it touched the flame....with the cause and effect of a small grass fire ensuing. Also, the hose to the propane tank caught on fire...which I easily put out. NOTE: It did not burn all the way through but did melt...resulting in having to get another cooker from my friend Doug Steckbeck).

As I was turned off the gas...and took the pan that I was going to put the turkey in...and beat out the small...minuscule grass fire...I heard a voice from behind me, saying, "Rodney,
whatcha doin'?" It was the head of security at Southern Hills...my friend Chris Cotton...with his daughter who had just arrived.

NOTE: Before I got back to Southern Hills the following Monday...word had spread like WILDFIRE...that I burned down Rockvale...with full fire engine coming out. True...a fire engine did come by my house...but it was on the way to another fire down the road. There were pictures of me standing in front of a raging forest fire posted around the hospital...a CD was waiting for me with songs that mentioned the word fire...and someone rewrote Johnny Cash's RING OF FIRE...to tell the story of the Fried Turkey Fire of Rockvale.

As you can tell from the picture of Brenda...Alison Payne and Garratt Payne...Brenda's prayer life had greatly improved as she watched the next year's dipping of the bird...was taking place. Apparently her prayers were answered...since there have been no more fires since that one, small, minute incident. NOTE: Not picture is my turkey frying buddy...Chip "El Presidente" Payne.

Now...we make and take all precautions to insure now flaming grass. As you can see...we wear the proper fireman's gear (provided by Derek Rhodes...aka...The British Bulldog). I also wrapped the propane hose with foil...to retard potential overflow...and of course...a fire extinguisher is handy.

I also have trained my son in the Art of SAFE Deep Frying Turkey. As the Scriptures tell us...Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it...especially in the ways of the turkey fryer.

Now...here is the proper way to deep fry a turkey. (1) Inject the bird with desired seasonings (2) Pour fresh peanut oil into the pot (3) LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE (4) Heat the oil to 375 degrees (5) Put on all protective clothing...or at least...fire resistant gloves (6) Have all equipment ready for any emergency (7) slowly baptizo...dip the bird SLOWLY into the boiling cauldron. (8) unhook gently and place lid on pot.(9) Cook the bird for 3 minutes per pound (10) Do not leave the pot unattended (11) Monitor heat control and adjust accordingly (11) When time is up...look in pot...if the bird with legs sticking up is floating...it is time to pull the bird out (12) take the Golden Bird into the kitchen...let people ooh and aah...and begin to pick and eat before it is cut. (13) Serve your guest and let them ooh and aah about how delicious, moist, and favorable is the turkey tastes.

Well...there you have it. You have deep fried the turkey... you have bonded with your son...your wife's prayer life has improved...the house has not burned down...the grass is not singed...your friends have been satisfied...and no wild, malicious stories have been spread about you burning down the world.

THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT HOW TO DEEP FRY A TURKEY AND IMPROVE YOUR WIFE'S PRAYER LIFE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

THE DEEP FRIED TURKEY ASSOCIATION (Rockvale Chapter)...and THE RUMINATOR SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS...MEETING EVERY SUNDAY AT SMYRNA ASSEMBLY (S.A.) at 9:00 A.M. Sunday Mornings in RUMINATOR CENTRAL (aka The Fellowship Hall).

Final thoughts...finally...no really...finally.

The only thing that would be better than deep fried turkey would be deep fried SPAM...a delightful blend of spices and ham. (No flavor injection necessary)

Love and Deep Fried Kisses
Rodney "Burning Lips" Boyd

Townes, Turkey, and Thanks

Greetings O Ye Thankful Friends. "Tis da season...to be thankful...gobble, gobble, gob..gob, gob, gob gob" (sung to the tune of Tis The Season...aka the Fa La song).

What does TOWNES have to do with THANKSGIVING...and for that matter...with BOB HOPE. Well...in 1903...in London England...Leslie TOWNES Hope was born. In 1907...Leslie and his family moved to Cleveland Ohio...and eventually was discovered by Fatty Arbuckle and toured as a dancing partner with George Burns. His name is changed to Bob Hope (also know as Hopelessly (Hope.. Leslie)...and then in the movie THE BIG BROADCAST with W.C. Fields. It is in this movie that Bob Hope sang what was to become his theme song...THANKS FOR THE MEMORY written by Ralph Rainger and Leo Robin.

Thanks for the memory
Journeys on a jet
Our wond' rous week in Martinique
Vegas and roulette
How lucky I was

Throughout the years...Bob's writers would change the words of the song to met the need of times.

Well...once again...we start of with something that appears to be of no consequence on what we end up Rambling about. Today is no difference. We want to chew on TURKEY....let's talk TURKEY.


On November 27th...Thursday...2008...we will be celebrating the day of THANKSGIVING. This is a time when we get a day off (some do/some work)...gather together with family and/or friends...eat too much turkey...loosen our pants and zonk out in front of some football game...and then guzzle a couple of Alka-Seltzers. Plop Plop...Fizz Fizz...Oh what a relief it is.

The roots of this thing called THANKSGIVING goes back to our American tradition to October 1621...where the Plymouth Colony Pilgrims...gathered together with the Massasoit tribe in appreciation of assistance and celebration of the 1st harvest. I am pretty sure they did not have deep fried Cajun turkey. Depending on which historian you are listening to... the facts and motives of this celebration shift and change.

THANKSGIVING DEFINED

1. The ACT of GIVING THANKS. Grateful acknowledgement of benefits or favor...especially of God.

2. An EXPRESSION of THANKS...especially to God.

3. A PUBLIC CELEBRATION in acknowledgement of DIVINE favor or kindness.

4. A day SET APART for GIVING THANKS to God.

As with most holidays...we tend to forget or bypass the intent of the holiday... and just us it as a day to consume upon our own pleasures.


The true ROOTS of Thanksgiving...has nothing to do with TOWNES or TURKEYS...but does have to do with THANKS.

PSALM 100 (A Psalm of Thanksgiving)

1. To-daw: An extension of the hand, that is adoration, specifically a choir of worshippers, confession, praise, thanks, offering.

2. Teh-hil-law: laudation, a hymn, praise



3. Yaw-daw: to use...to hold out the hand; physically to throw (a stone or an arrow); especially to revere or worship (with extended hands).

4. Baw-rak: Bow down to

"Enter into his gates with thanksgiving (TO-DAW)...and into his courts with praise (TEH-HIL-LAW). Be thankful (YAW-DAW) unto him and bless (BAW-RAK) His name." (Psalm 100:4-4. All Men Exhorted to Praise God: A Psalm of Thanksgiving)

As the people come into His temple to offer up sacrifices...they are encouraged to enter in with an ATTITUDE. The attitude is one of THANKSGIVING...the giving of thanks...BEFORE the sacrifices...before the forgiveness...with ANTICIPATION of acceptance and blessing.

So many times...we thank AFTER the fact. The VERBS...ACTIONS on our part before the fact are: (1) shout (2) serve (3) come (4) sing (5) know
(6) enter (7) give thanks (8) bless Him (9) bless.

QUESTION: When you come to church...to worship the Living God... do you come with anticipation...preparation...consecration...or do you run in late and plop down and say gimme, gimme, gimme (give me, give me, give me)?

Our current series at church is on HOPE. Hope in the world's eyes is kind of a whining..."I hope...but it probably won't" mentality...BUT true BIBLICAL HOPE...is when faced with impossibilities....has a CONFIDENT EXPECTATION that our FAITH can hook into. We should think differently, speak differently, and act differently with CONFIDENT EXPECTATION as we come into His presence...with SALIVATING EXPECTATION.

Notice the tone set for the VERBS OF WORSHIP

1. Shout...JOYFULLY...to the Lord
2. Serve the Lord...with GLADNESS
3. Come before Him...with JOYFUL SINGING

WHY? Because we KNOW that the Lord Himself IS GOD. It is He who has MADE US...and NOT we ourselves. We are HIS PEOPLE and the SHEEP of His pasture.

NOTE: It ain't about me baby...it ain't about me.

4. Enter...His gates with...THANKSGIVING
5. Enter...His courts with...PRAISE

WHY? For the Lord is GOOD...His lovingkindness is EVERLASTING... and HIS FAITHFULNESS to all generations.

NOTE: It is all based on who HE IS...versus what WE ARE NOT.


FINAL THOUGHTS...FINALLY!!!!

This year...I encourage you to begin to RUMINATE on GIVING THANKS, before... Thursday November 27th. Start mooing and chewing of who He is...and get ready for the next time you gather as a congregation...to ENTER IN differently.

Now...you may be thinking to yourself..."Self...I've got to much going on in my life. Self...I am in the middle of trials, troubles, and tribulations.
Self...when things GET BETTER....THEN I will thank and praise Him."

THE FILTER FOR ALL THINGS PRIOR TO THANKSGIVING

"Rejoice ALWAYS...Pray WITHOUT CEASING...IN EVERYTHING give thanks...for THIS (rejoicing always, praying without ceasing and giving thanks IN...not for...EVERYTHING) This is equated with the WILL OF GOD FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS. (I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

"And we know that God CAUSES ALL THINGS (the good, the bad, the ugly)...to work together for good to those who love God...to those who are called according to HIS PURPOSE." (Romans 8:28)

Happy THANKSgiving...Happy HOLYdays...Merry CHRISTmas.

Love and Thankful Kisses
Rodney "Deep Fried" Boyd