RESOLUTIONS...I DON'T NEED NO STINKING RESOLUTIONS

Hello fellow New Years Eve adventurers. Here we stand...ready to leap away from 2009...into the Great Adventure of 2010. As we prepare for this New Year...I want to ask you a question.

Out of the past 100 years of movies...what is one of the most quoted...misquotes? Well...there are many...but as a clue...take a look at the lovely picture over to the left. Immediately many are saying in their best Mexican impersonation..."Badges?...We don't need no...stinkin' badges!" Many recognize this from the Humphrey Bogart classic...The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. The quote is lifted from the scene between Fred C. Dobbs (Humphrey Bogart) and Gold Hat (Alfonso Bedoya)...as Gold Hat tries to convince Dobbs and his compadres that they are Federales. Here is how it really went down.

DOBBS: If you're the police, where are your badges.
GOLD HAT: Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges.

Well...according to Barney Fife...and Sgt. Joe Friday...badges are a must. They feel that you do need "stinkin' badges." You may be askin' yourself...self...what's up with the talk about stinkin' badges? Well...self...I'm so glad that you are ruminating on the question. Substitute the word for BADGES...for the word RESOLUTION...and we come to the reason for this Rambling at this time of year.

EVERY PERSON AT NEW YEARS: If you're starting a New Year...what's your resolution?

RODNEY BOYD: Resolutions? I ain't got no resolutions. I don't need no resolutions! I don't have to tell you any stinkin' resolutions!

Of course the misquote will be...Resolutions? I don't need to tell you any...stinkin' resolutions.

Either way...here are the TOP TEN REASONS I DON'T HAVE TO RESOLVE ANY STINKIN' RESOLUTIONS...aka...THE RESOLUTION REVOLUTION. Before I forget it...the othe two pictures are of The Shadow..."The weed of crime bears bitter fruit...who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of man...The Shadow knows." Also Mr. Simon Templar aka The Saint. Both of these guys fought the bad guys...but did not use any STICKIN' BADGES. Here are the Top Ten Reasons/Excuses...That I Don't Need No Stinkin' Resolutions!!!


#10 I I resolve to be resolute...that would indicate that I have "issues" that I need to deal with...and I don't have any issues. Who told you I have issues...did you notice that I have issues...who else has noticed I have issues.

# 9 Why resolve to lose weight. I'm just big boned. Why should I base my weight on outdated government weight charts. I'm like the Brontosaurus said to the T-Rex...I'm just big boned.

# 8 Why would I need to exercise more this year. The Bible says..."bodily exercise/discipline is ONLY OF A LITTLE PROFIT..." (I Timothy 4:8). Sure...that's out of context...but that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

# 7 Why do I need to resolve to read through the Bible in 2010. I read it through a few years ago...and I'm pretty sure they did not add anything new in it.

# 6 I resolve NOT to get on Facebook in 2010. Right!!!!! What would the populace do not knowing what I am doing minute by minute.

#5 I resolve NOT to Twitter in 2010. Actually...this is a REAL resolution...I hate Twitter. Twitter? I don't have to let you know on Twitter what I am thinking at the moment.! I don't need no stinkin' Twitter.


COMMERCIAL BREAK: Are ya havin' a tough time believing all of that Jesus stuff? Have agnostics and atheist been giving you a hard time about believing a myth? Do the politically correct crowd want to make your Saviour...someone on the same level as Gandhi? Well...come to THE RUMINATOR SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS...as we begin our study on THE GOSPEL OF JOHN...RUMINATOR STYLE. "...but these have been written so that you may BELIEVE that Jesus is the Christ...the Son of God; and that believing you may have life in His name." (John 20:31) Class will be held at Smyrna Assembly 9:00 A.M. Central Standard Time in Smyrna Tennessee. For more information call Rodney Boyd at 415-7577 or write at ruminator12@comcast.net And now back to our Top Ten Reasons I Don't Need No Stinkin' Resolutions.

#4 I resolve not to mention Spam in 2010...Spam a delightful blend of spices and ham...and the official canned meat of Hawaii...and the official sponsor of The Ruminator Sunday School Class (well that last one is not true).

# 3 I resolve to change my guitar strings at least twice in 2010...or at least think about. If I think hard enough...maybe someone would get tired of hearing dead strings and change them for me.

# 2 I resolve to quit smokin', chewing/dipping tobacco, hangin' round loose women, cussin', and overeating. Well..one out of five ain't bad.
DISCLAIMER: The only one I do is overeat...so please don't write.

AND THE #1 REASON THAT I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE...OR TELL YOU ANY OF MY STINKIN' RESOLUTIONS....

#1 IT'S ALL ABOUT ME BABY...IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well...there ya have it. By the way...what's your resolution?

Love and Resolved Kisses
Rodney "Maybe I Do Need Some Stinkin' Resolutions" Boyd

TOP TEN REASONS ROD DOES NOT NEED GOD IN 2009

Greetings all ye who deem themselves to be self-sufficient. Here it is...2009... another year where we can survive on our own. No need for God...since we consider ourselves to be gods. We are the master of our fates...our destiny is in our hands...the world (the corporate and personal0 is just fine. With that in mind...here they are....THE TOP TEN REASONS....ROD...DOES NOT NEED GOD IN 2009.

DISCLAIMER: For those unaware....this is a tongue in cheek poke at those who think it is all about...them.

So.............with out further adue...let us proceed.

This was originally posted to my wall on FACEBOOK.



#10 I subscribe to the BOOT STRAP THEOLOGY...where I pull up MY OWN boot straps...so I don't owe nuttin' to nobody...including God. I am a self-made man.

#9 I am a follower of Frank Sinatra...so let's all turn to page 245 in our ME BOOKS...and sing all three verses of I DID IT MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WAY.

#8 Jesus may be Lord, MASTER and Saviour...but I've got MASTERcard, Discover, and American Express to meet my needs according to the debt cycle of the world. I am my Lord/Boss/One in control... Master...and Saviour of myself.

#7 When you are as intellectual as I am...you don't need God. After all...I have come to the conclusion that THERE IS NO GOD...so I can't need help from what is not real. NOTE: Atheist...intellectuals...and agnostics..."spiritual" people may not believe in God...but God sure does believe in them...enough to allow His Son to die on a cross in their place.

#6 I don't really need God...because I've got all my ducks in a row with my 401K, stocks, investments, etc. After all...WALL STREET IS LORD...and as long as WALL STREET is stable...I don't need God.

#5 I will need God...when the world gets bad enough. So far...so good. NOTE: Sometimes you got to stink enough...where even you can't stand your funky smell.




NOTE: We are have way to the # 1 reason. Let's here a word from our sponsor...the RUMINATORS. If you are in the Smyrna and surrounding area...stop by on Wednesday nights...for a JOURNEY through the ONE YEAR BIBLE...RUMINATOR STYLE. Email me for more information. And now back to our exciting adventure of TOP TEN REASONS ROD DOES NOT NEED GOD IN 2009.

#4 Why do I need God...I've got a wife who tells me what to do. Instead of saying YES LORD...all I have to do is say YES DEAR.

# 3 God is for sinners...and I don't sin. My armpits don't stink either. I am a pristine individual...PRAISE ROD.

EMERGENCY SPIRITUAL BROADCASTING SYSTEM: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.... this is a test...it is only a test...in the event of a real SPIRITUAL CRISIS...you would have been notified to fall on your knees and repent of your self-sufficiency.
#2 God is for losers...and I am a WINNER...or that's what all the positive thinker gurus tell me. All I have to do is awaken the giant within me...confess over and over that I am all I need...become a magnet for good things...do good works...and all of my needs will be met according to the riches in myself.


COMMERCIAL BREAK: Are you tired of being tempted...enticed to evil...pulled away from who you really are? Are you weary of trying to do the right thing... and still missing the mark. Are you fed up with walking in the flesh and experiencing the same old habits and being tied up and bound again, and again, and again? Is that what's troubling you Boopie? Well.........HAVE I GOT A CLASS FOR YOU. On Sunday mornings at Smyrna Assembly at 9:00 CST...you can join the rest of the HERD....for the new teaching series called HOW TO DEAL WITH TEMPTATION, SIN and the FLESH. If you can't make it...you can email Ramblin' Rod and request a copy of the workbook...that will be sent to you via email attachment...for the low, low price of FREE.

And now...we return for the conclusion of TOP TEN REASONS ROD DOES NOT NEED GOD IN 2009.

And the #1 reason...Rod does not need God in 2009.....

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME BABY...IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See ya next time...for the TOP TEN REASONS.......

Love and RodMEy Kisses
Rodney "As The Deer Panteth For The Waters So My Soul Thirsts After Thee" Boyd

TOP TEN REASONS I DON'T PRAY

Greetings to all of you who need a PRAYER CRUTCH. I understand why YOU need PRAYER... but for MYSELF... I find that I DON'T need a crutch. Here are the TOP TEN REASONS I DON'T PRAY.

#10 Prayer is for kids, old women and FOOLS...and as is so obvious...I ain't none of these. "The FOOL has said in His heart...there is no God." (Psalm 53:1) I believe there is a God...I just don't act like it.

# 9 Prayer is a Holy crap shoot...and 9 times out of 10...I get snake eyes. I don't like the odds.

# 8 I prayed once...and nothing happened. I could have got the same results by not praying.

# 7 I got into trouble once...prayed for deliverance from the cause and effect of my deed...and still had to pay the consequence for my action. I got caught speeding and prayed that I would not get a ticket...and got one anyway. If prayer can't change my consequences...what good is it.

#6 I bought a dollar ticket for the $20 million dollar lottery...and prayed that I would win. I told God that I would tithe off the $20 million (after taxes of course)...and promised to pay off the church loan...and I STILL DID NOT WIN. Obviously...prayer does not work.



# 5 I prayed that my wife would get into BIBLICAL ORDER...and submit to my every whim. The only thing missing in the Garden of Eden in the Garden of Eden...was a kitchen. After all I am THE MAN. I am the spiritual leader...the HEIR of the Kingdom. It's almost as if my words of prayer are HINDERED. "You husbands likewise...live with your wives in an UNDERSTANDING WAY...as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman...and GRANT HER HONOR AS A FELLOW-HEIR of grace of life...SO that your PRAYERS MAY NOT BE HINDERED." (I Peter 3:7)

# 4 I don't like to leave answered prayer to four little words....like..."THY WILL BE DONE". If I'm going to pray...I'm going to pray for OTHER little words...like...ROD'S WILL BE DONE".

#3 We are told to PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. Come on...who has got that kind of time on their hands. If I was praying 24 hours a day...I would not have time to send out these time consuming blogs. You think I live in a monastery where I ain't got nuttin' but time on my hands?

# 2 If I can't KNOW that God hears me...why should I waste my time speaking to the wind?

"And this is the CONFIDENCE which we have before Him...that if we ASK ANYTHING... according to HIS WILL...He HEARS us...and if we KNOW that HE HEARS US...in whatever we ASK...we KNOW that we HAVE THE REQUESTS which we have ASKED FROM HIM."
(I John 5:14-15)


And the NUMERO UNO reason I don't pray....................

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME BABY....IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.

Well...as you know...this is a tongue in cheek look about why I DO PRAY. In my practice of Speech Therapy...I make it a practice of letting ALL of my patients that I am praying for them. If they respond positively...I will ask if I can pray for them NOW. I have only had ONE PERSON turn me down for prayer in over 15 years. He told me in no uncertain terms that he was an atheist...and that he does not need my !@#$%^&*(#)&^%$ PRAYERS. After three speech sessions...I told him that I was STILL praying for him...he responded..."Thank you...I appreciated it." So much for atheism. After all...the atheist may not believe in God...but God does believe in the atheist...and sent His son to die in His place too.

FINAL THOUGHTS....FINALLY!!!

Once again...let us turn to our hymnals to page 396...and sing a rousing version of SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER...or the 2008 version for many Christians in this McDonalds fast food world...SWEET 5 MINUTES OF PRAYER.




SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER

Sweet hour of prayer...sweet hour of prayer...that calls me from a world of care
And bids me at my Father's throne...Make all my wants and wishes known
In seasons of distress and grief...my soul has often found relief
And oft escaped the tempters snare...by thy return...SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER

Sweet hour of prayer...sweet hour of prayer...the joys I feel...the bliss I share
Of those whose anxious spirits burn...with strong desires for thy return
With such I hasten to the place...where God my Saviour shows His face
And gladly take my station there...and wait for thee...SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER

Sweet hour of prayer...sweet hour of prayer...Thy wings shall my position hear
To Him whose truth and faithfulness...engage the waiting soul to bless
And since He bids me seek His face...believe His Word and trust His grace
I'll cast on Him my every care...and wait for thee SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER

Love and Prayerful Kisses
Rodney "It's All About HIM" Boyd

TOP TEN REASONS I WON'T READ THE WORD OF GOD IN 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR all of you Word of God Readers. All over the world...people are making New Years Resolutions to lose weight, quit smoking, drinking, foolin' 'round, etc. In the world of the church...we raise our right hands...place our left hands on the Bible...and make a resolution that we will read through the Bible in 2008. Oh for sure...we are sincere....but I for one...WON'T be reading the Word of God in 2008. I've got 10 excuses... I mean reasons for Why I WON'T be reading the Word of God in 2008...and I am going to take on the philosophy as Alfred E. Newman about it..."What....Me Worry? So....here we go with the TOP TEN REASONS I WON'T READ THE WORD OF GOD IN 2008.

#TEN: Why should I identify with the hucksters, the shucksters, the charlatans, the shams, the extremists? I am going to throw out the baby with the bath water. Oh I know that I should realize that for every one that does not live the life...there are thousands that do live the life...but if I applied logic to it...I would have to live the life.

#NINE: If I took up my time reading the Word of God....I would not have time to read the plethora of written/printed information like magazines, classic literature, internet blogsites, newspapers, books about the Bible.

#EIGHT: Two words....
(1) Chuck (2) Norris. As long as Chuck Norris is alive...all will be right with the world. When you've got Walker Texas Ranger in your corner...why read about people like Samson bringing down the house and that slingshot wielding kid by the name of David that brings down the giant. Sure they were strong under the power of God...but can they do a spinning back kick.

# SEVEN: Faith comes by hearing...and hearing by the Word of God. What do I need faith for...I've got a job, insurance, 401 K, multiple credit cards, a house over my head, food in my refrigerator. I trust the Master... the Master....the Master...Card. (Note for those old timers... this was first uttered by me 17 years ago)


#SIX: Sure...the promise of the Word of God is a peace that passes understanding. Sure there is promise from the Word of God of the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace and the mind set on the flesh is death. Sure the Word of God speaks of a perfect peace promised (PPP) if the mind is stayed on Him...BUT Dr. Miles Nervine promises the same thing out of a bottle. It is easier to take a swig...rather than the trouble of reading the Word of God.

# FIVE: If I read the Word of God...I will be convicted by my sins...and who needs that kind of heartache? Besides...I am already off schedule because I missed reading on January 1st and 2nd...and who has the time to catch up now. Maybe next year.

# FOUR: The Bible promises success and prosperity in Joshua 1:8. Why do I need to read this kind of stuff when I can read the same thing from Anthony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, and any other positive mental attitude (PMA) gurus. Of course the difference is...they elevate the human spirit higher than God...and Biblical success and prosperity is (1) success being the accomplishing of the purposes of God in your life (2) prosperity being the Lord meeting your needs with an overflow to meet the needs of others... and if you don't have...you are content...knowing the Lord will meet your needs.



#THREE: Sure the Word of God is the revealed WILL of God...but at least I can get a chuckle by reading the comic strip KUDZU with the Reverend Will. B. Dunn as he kinda quotes the Word of God.

#TWO: I can't understand the Bible...with all of it's words like Thee, Thou, propitiation, justification, redemption, etc. The Amplified Bible hurts my hearing and the Message Bible is like reading the vernacular of the hip and happening. If the New American Standard Bible was good enough for Paul...then it's good enough for me...but reading it is still work...and I think I heard somewhere that we are walking in GRACE...so that means I don't have to read it.

AND THE #ONE REASON I WON'T READ THE WORD OF GOD IN 2008....

#ONE: IT'S ALL ABOUT ME BABY....IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.

Well...here's wishing you a very happy and prosperous and blessed New Year for 2008. Hmmmmmmmm....maybe I ought to take a peek into the Word...just to cover all my bases.

Love and Graphemic (written) Kisses
Rodney "I Love The Word" Boyd